New Year’s Resolutions: No Pain, No Gain? 
By Monica A. Dixon, Ph.D., R.D
It’s that time of year and the vows to exercise, lose weight or manage your finances again swirl in your mind. Are these resolutions beginning to feel like a worn, frayed T-shirt that can no longer be worn in public? Have they been on your list since Reagan was President? Or, do you start the year with great intentions, only to be back in the same old rut by Valentine’s Day? Then it’s time to stop a moment and reconsider both why and what your resolutions will be for the coming year.
First, decide if these are even your goals, or someone else’s. Most of us already have “should” lists the length of the Titanic and don’t need to add any more. These are what we think we should be pursuing in our lives: the big house, the flat stomach, or the perfect relationship. How much of this is really your idea anyway, or has it come from the media, your parents or society telling you what is important? When your goals aren’t in line with your values, it’s no wonder these resolutions die quickly.
Second, ask yourself this simple question, “Will this bring joy to my life?” Our Puritan roots often lead us to buy in to the “No pain, No gain” theory. If something doesn’t hurt, it’s not doing us any good. Then, when we find it nearly impossible to maintain our new lifestyle changes, we scold ourselves and suffer even more guilt at our lack of willpower. Is it any wonder the gym is packed in January and a morgue by March?
Go down your list of “shoulds” and throw out your dead goals with the trash. If they’ve been on your list longer than a year, toss them. They are lifeless and drain your valuable energy. Now write a new, short list of what is most valuable to you, not what you’ve been led to believe is important. More time with family or friends? A new career? More energy to get through your days? Write them down.
Now focus on the past year and what went well for you. What was fun or brought you excitement? What could you expand on this year? Find the things you enjoy and plan them into your life. For example, instead of focusing on your weight, make a goal of taking very good care of yourself. Then find things you enjoy and will work for you; walk with a group of friends, sign up for the yoga class you’ve always wanted; see a massage therapist monthly or weekly; have a personal trainer teach you the right way to exercise; buy a new fruit or vegetable you’ve never tried each week. Suddenly this goal is a lot more fun and full of life than “I really should lose weight” and living on chicken bouillon.
Suppose you think you would enjoy a new job, but haven’t gotten motivated yet. Take your resume to an expert to be updated, join a networking group, talk to recruiters and career counselors or go to the library and research career opportunities. If you aren’t ready to do this yet or it doesn’t seem exciting to you, then it’s a sign to drop this goal and move on.
This year, give yourself a genuine fresh start. Toss the goals you’ve grown out of and let your intuition and values dictate the changes you will make during the coming year. Learning Spanish may have been a fine goal for you ten years ago, but perhaps a course in financial planning might be much more appropriate now. Stop forcing, pushing and pressing and face the new year with optimism and joy!